Food is one of the most basic human needs. Eminent psychologist, Abraham Maslow, listed the need for sustenance as primary on his hierarchy of human needs. That is what makes Myla's feeding difficulties so perplexing. As many of you know, four days after leaving our July stay at CHOP and 5 days after the dropping the NG tube, Myla simply stopped sucking on her bottle. We were never told that this was a possible side effect of NG tube placement; however, in retrospect, it is more common then one would think. Every time that I reflect on that decision, I feel extreme resentment toward the doctors on the GI floor of CHOP for not going over the possible negative effects of the NG tube. I also feel guilty for not doing my homework, but enough about my emotional responses.
Let's get to an interesting philosophical question that has been sneaking into my synapses these days. We can all agree on the idea that eating is an extremely primal function. We need to eat to live. Interestingly enough, Myla has learned that she does not have to eat to live. Eating for Myla was either uncomfortable or plain old painful when she was eating. Even at 6 weeks, she figured out that she could eat just enough to stay alive and minimize the pain. At three months, she learned that she need not expose herself that pain now because the tube is filling her up. I think that we could also agree upon the fact that this type of learning is rather evolved. The interesting paradox here is that the more higher order thinking in this situation actually is much less adaptive for her than the primal need of eating to sustain life (as a sidebar, as I am engaging in this philosophical soliloquy, I itched my right eye with the hand that just handled extremely hot habanero peppers...not so evolved thinking there).
This leads one to the conclusion, perhaps that since Myla has lost this primal sensibility that all animals are born with, she needs to be retaught this and perhaps the only method of reteaching this is to allow her to feel hunger again. Myla now receives 6 feeds per day (every 3 hours) of highly fortified formula. If she is at all feeling hunger, it is not nearly enough to motivate her to eat. If and when (more likely when), we decide to wean her from her tube, we may have to take a leap of faith that over time, if we allow her to be hungry, that primal need to eat will kick back in, and we can hit the reset button. This process would include significantly reducing what we are giving her through her tube. This is also a very frightening prospect. She needs to gain weight to encourage that stubborn hole in her heart to close. If it doesn't close spontaneously, she needs to gain weight to be fit for surgery and to assist with a speedy recovery, but my lord, with each passing day, my disdain for that tube grows.
When I was 12 years old I had my parents take me to a dr. because I had an odd burning sensation in my stomach all the time. The dr. couldn't find anything wrong. Eventually, I don't remember how much later, I realized that the burning was hunger because I didn't eat enough at that age. I'm just mentioning this because it shows how some people don't recognize the feelings of hunger, which seems strange to most of us. But someday, I think, Myla will discover how delicious certain foods are, and she will want to eat them whether she is hungry or not!
ReplyDeleteAll I can think of to say is that "f#%&ing" tube!!!!! I think there are two primal needs here to consider. One is hunger and the other is avoidance of pain. Then the primal need for mama and papa to ensure baby's primal needs are met. This all creates a complicated tangled web and the hierarchy kicks in.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait until she is a grown up who needs to lose about 5 pounds. You will have so many stories to tell her!