Here’s a riddle for you all….

What do you get when you put a group of world-renowned pediatric cardiologists in a conference room to make a decision about open-heart surgery for an almost 4 month old?

Give up?

The answer to this riddle is a lack of definitive answers. That’s right. Like so many other big decisions, the cardiologists left today’s case conference with 50% believing that surgery was appropriate and 50% believing that it was not appropriate. With that being said, I guess we, as parents do get a seat at the table, because our cardiologist has left this decision up to us, and guess what…. sometimes couples disagree. Not to sound cliche, but a strong couple can disagree without being disagreeable, and that’s where Lindsey and I are right now. I think both of us would feel much better if the doctors believed strongly one way or another, but that isn’t what we are hearing. The cardiologists that support the surgery now cite Myla’s feeding issues, her failure to gain weight prior to having the NG tube, and her slightly enlarged heart as their rationale. Those who are against the surgery now cite the restrictive nature of the hole (this could be an indication that it might close on its own. Think of a hose with water freely flowing out. Now think of what occurs when you put your thumb over a portion of the hole, it restricts the flow of the water, thereby increasing the pressure), the fact that her heart is only slightly enlarged, and the fact that she only has a small amount of fluid on her lungs as their rationale. Though it’s extremely frustrating to put another serious decision in the “lack of definitive answers” category, I can empathize with a professional that allows for different philosophical viewpoints to thrive. Our cardiologist would like us to make a decision by our September 26^th appointment. She would put in the paperwork for us if we were choosing to do have the surgery. If not, we can wait 3-4 months (that’s another whole Myla lifetime) and see if her hole is showing further signs of closure. At that point, if there is no sign of closure, we can proceed with the surgery. If Myla becomes more symptomatic prior to that point, I am assuming we could put the paperwork in then. Outside of her coughing and vomiting, which might not even be heart related, Myla is in no clear distress. She is a happy and calm baby who Lindsey and I are head-over-heals in love with.

It is part of my personality to want to “fix” things. I am a mobilizer and a decision-maker, which makes living with such ambiguity day-to-day so difficult. I think that is this reason that I have developed my googlamania or compulsive googling disorder. I try to learn as much as I can about the variety of medical issues that Myla is or might be experiencing. Lindsey hates it and to be honest with you, I am pretty sure that I hate it as well.

Again, you guys don’t know how much it means to Lindsey, Myla, and I to have all of your well-wishes. In times of such hardship, we can truly see how wonderful our support network is and we are so thankful.